Frustration

finding peace has been a lot like trying to see the center of my own back. i know its there. i can feel it if i really concentrate. i can touch it if i try really hard, but without some kind of reflective aid, i can't manage to do it.

meditation and prayer are wonderful, and i do find something calm for a moment, but as soon as i have to do anything, like stand up, i become entangled again. i've been told a lot lately that i take things too personally. i suppose that's the theme of the year for me: let it go. freely accept everything without judgment. now if i could just stop getting reflexively frustrated by every single thing i encounter, i might find a better habit lingering underneath. i know being a cynic is poisonous, but its also sooooo easy for me to take my frustration and assume the worst. kindness and hope require a slightly calmer base.

when we were younger a friend of mine found a capitalist mantra on a pen that i adopted and that carried me a long way. i think i need a new one. i've been looking for one for a while. i just don't know what exactly it is i'm looking for, which brings me back to the theme of the year, which seems to be the theme of religions in general.... lol

as for news that exists outside of drea's head, i added pictures to my 2009 collection. i didn't pick and choose, so there are a lot of them. you'll have to scroll down to the bottom to see the new ones.

First Day of School, From 2009

also, we're staying in san antonio. mark got a job down here. i'm still going to uta for spring. i'm staying in the dorm after all. the kids are going to stay with him. i'm praying for the extended miracle that this will be far less painful and difficult for everyone that it seems. i'm just hoping the stars align and the classes i need to graduate are all available.