its all coming together

my health problems have finally formed a recognizable pattern! i found a phd paper from 2005 that has a section on a specific gene that pretty much describes by life from 1999 to 2003 when that gene starts overreacting. i wish i'd been healthy enough to graduate and the sense enough to go to med school so i would be able to get the fucking treatment i need, knowing well that i need it, instead of insisting there must be a link between all my problems to doctors who recommend me to a shrink, implying my assumption that my problems are all gene related and related to one gene are absurd and paranoid. its kind of nice, and yet deeply unsettling that i've been right all along. although i realize very fully that there can not be much help available from a paper only written 3 years ago, my mother is telling me to call this woman up for advice if i don't get a decent response from my doctor. i'm on the edge of getting rid of this shit at last. i think i've had an h-pylori infection for 13-15 years. they've told me its been gone, but my symptoms say otherwise. this shit is amazing. its incredibly adaptable in the human body, and the human body has a gene that takes care of it and 5 other bacteria strains. its an old enemy. immuno-endocrinology is what i need to learn. i hate studying biology. its dry and full of facts that have never been near as interesting as mathematics or physics, to me. too bad. i sure should have tried to care a bit more. although i wonder if knowing is going to help if no one has figured out what to do with the findings. knowledge of the genome doesn't seem to produce too may useful therapies.

today has been a wild ass ride. i got the diagnosis of a new disorder, and that connected all the dots. now i just hope the damage can stop and maybe heal a bit.