i think there is a pattern forming

it goes a little something like this:
h-pylori, ibs worsens, cycts, weird uterine problems, stomach bleeds, pain is overwhelming, pain killers en mass, antibiotics, pneumonia, antibiotics, bronchitis, antibiotics, bronchitics, bronchitis, bronchitis, massive lifestyle change, ok for 2 yrs, repeat......

this will be round 3. i think my stomach is bleeding a lot, i have yet to throw up a whole lot of blood, but i foresee it in the near future...... my gastro's office staff and i are playing phone tag......

martini and rossi are calling......

its all coming together

my health problems have finally formed a recognizable pattern! i found a phd paper from 2005 that has a section on a specific gene that pretty much describes by life from 1999 to 2003 when that gene starts overreacting. i wish i'd been healthy enough to graduate and the sense enough to go to med school so i would be able to get the fucking treatment i need, knowing well that i need it, instead of insisting there must be a link between all my problems to doctors who recommend me to a shrink, implying my assumption that my problems are all gene related and related to one gene are absurd and paranoid. its kind of nice, and yet deeply unsettling that i've been right all along. although i realize very fully that there can not be much help available from a paper only written 3 years ago, my mother is telling me to call this woman up for advice if i don't get a decent response from my doctor. i'm on the edge of getting rid of this shit at last. i think i've had an h-pylori infection for 13-15 years. they've told me its been gone, but my symptoms say otherwise. this shit is amazing. its incredibly adaptable in the human body, and the human body has a gene that takes care of it and 5 other bacteria strains. its an old enemy. immuno-endocrinology is what i need to learn. i hate studying biology. its dry and full of facts that have never been near as interesting as mathematics or physics, to me. too bad. i sure should have tried to care a bit more. although i wonder if knowing is going to help if no one has figured out what to do with the findings. knowledge of the genome doesn't seem to produce too may useful therapies.

today has been a wild ass ride. i got the diagnosis of a new disorder, and that connected all the dots. now i just hope the damage can stop and maybe heal a bit.

wireless connectivity 2

so after a lot of thinking about it.... both laptops now connect. they connect at about 38-43kps and have trouble initially connecting every time. i think its that the router is new. it was a gift. it is a 802.11n and the cards are 802.11b/g so the frequencies don't exactly match. the router is supposed to send out a broad range signal to communicate with b/g/n simultaneously, but i think the laptops sense the extended frequency as noise or interference and have difficulty aquiring initial contact. the router claims to be perfectly compatible with all 802.11 technology, but so far, it only gets along well with my Wii. plus, i've had these machines hooked up to an ancient but very reliable linksys router after the last wireless router died. its wired router is 8 yrs old and never dies or gives any probles and connects at 100k every time, so this slow ass old wireless card just doesn't cut it any more. web pages just keep getting bigger, and we all got so used to being plugged in that we are too impatient to wait. so it seems wireless just won't do here. we're not going to upgrade the cards when we can use the ancient router with just as much if not more effiency. so now i'm pluged into the new router, and have put the old one back in its original packaging, to be pulled out again when this one dies in 18 months as all our wireless routers have.

the older i get, the more finiky about wireless technology. the interference is high, the signal strength is high, and that all translates to another kind of air polution. not to mention that i have serious issues with american design and marketing philosophy. just because moore's law is in effect, doesn't mean we have to purchase at the same rate, nor that product life cycles should also operate at the same rate. it seems cheap, and lazy to me. even worse, it produces more junk than our lazy culture can recycle, or would ever even think to. quality implies longevity and consistency, something that isn't seen very often any more, especially in american made products.

on an entirely different rant, i just finished working my second shift from home and have decided that the program i work on could have been better designed by a blind monkey. it is as far from user friendly as unix, but also has no supporting documentation available for the user. you either know what to do, or guess. the training for this program focused on customer service. i can be as polite and apologetic as is physically possible for me, and still preform insanely substandardly by company desires. i know i'm not stupid, but i just can't handle this level complexity with no training, no live call examples, and a jump right in attitude. i kind of want to call and bitch a lot at someone, but who?

wireless connectivity is a bitch

so this computer is finiky as all hell. it takes like 5 retires to get it to connect and i have no idea why. its sitting directly next to the router. the older model connected much faster, although for just as arbitrary a manner. it connected on like the 3rd try. i want to take it downstairs almost directly below where i'm sitting and i have my doubts those 10 ft will be spanned by this magical new technology. i've turned of all the power save modes on both the router and the laptop so the radios are on constant broadcast to try and maintain the connection. i feel like i need better wireless juju. send me your good juju if you have any. mine is broken.....

potty training, the beach, ihop and work

i think i can consider my kids potty trained at last. sometimes we don't make it, or get a little too excited or cold, but for the most part, the fight over it all is over. change only seems to bother them when they have to put forth significant effort, which is pretty nice. they're really flexible, considering how compulsive we all are.

we're going to the beach later this week. it'll be their first time to see the ocean, so i'm excited and have got them talking about it. it should produce very cute pictures. every morning they ask me if we're going home to the beach. they have some trouble distinguishing going out from going home. out seems to only mean outside, as in out in nature, where as home is any structure or location with a name. any location except the pancake house, which william can spot while driving down the highway. he even recognises the IHOP sign in commercials. he doesn't even really like pancakes, so i guess its just that he's a morning person in a family of night time people and that's about the only place we go that's any fun early in the morning. when your options are home with a bunch of groggy people, church or the doctor before 9am, then IHOP is a very happy place.

i'm going to start working next week. i just finished my training and have to wait for clerical stuff to go through, then i should find out once again that i'm sufficient, but never excellent at customer service because i'm not chipper. maybe this time i can dig a little deeper into a well of false happy tones to earn a nice rating that won't translate to better compensation.....